When I was twelve years old,
my dusty yellow labrador found a femur bone in the woods behind my house,
a bone with a little bit of flesh still clinging on,
but dried for the most part.
And I didn’t think anything of it,
when I thought he must have found the leg
of a deer that had died a while ago.
Until two men came to my door wearing suits and holsters,
held up a photograph
and said “Have you seen this person?”
I told them I had not,
and noticed how dry my mouth felt,
like cotton mushed against the roof of my mouth
and against the back and tops of my teeth.
Wedging my foot in the door was not enough
to keep them out,
they would make their way inside,
and they would not find a deer.
There was a cross country runner from Eastern Oregon University,
he wore a gold and black uniform,
the number fifty-nine on the front
that bounces up and down as he steps over branches and leaves.
October 1985 -
He’s running and passes number seventy-four
Whose hair is dried out from the heat,
and lack of moisture,
looking like a tumbleweed
worn as a wig.
Two days before the race,
Space Shuttle Atlantis left Earth for the first time.
Number fifty-nine’s feet lift from the ground
as if they will join Atlantis.
Fifty-nine wins the race.
The Baltic sea spits a bottle out onto the shore
as if it were bitter food.
The musty vessel
picked up by a fisherman,
his hands rough like brown leather.
A postcard inside
with some scribbling -
May 19, 1914
followed by a single line -
"Well, I’m glad that isn’t bottled up anymore"
The fisherman begins to cry.
My catholic uncle joked:
"There’s a saint for everything."
Laughing, I imagined
the patron saint of
shoes that hang
from power lines
for reasons known
only to some.
The patron saint
of kissing your
for the last
time, as your
The patron saint
of stadium seating,
the patron saint
of rainfall and sleet,
and scarves wrapped
The patron saint
where you walk
through the door
what you were in the room for.
The patron saint
of laying on
the grass with
your best friend
shapes in clouds,
those rabbit clouds
have patron saints
the chances you have had
to declare all love for her,
the woman with her eyes
golden and green like olives
in their own oils,
there is a saint for them,
there’s a saint for everything.
Llano Estacado lay three miles ahead,
rust colored plateaus,
meeting the Earth like bricks against an old wrinkled tarp.
I notice the slight rise on the bridge of your nose, and think,
of the way that it was a feature shared by our father,
and again of the Stalked Plain where we had spent Summers.
my lips curve and catch tears;
I taste their salt
and wipe them into my sleeve,
laughing, faced pressed against forearm.
I speak lines my father had often said when we were sad:
"The world will always keep turning.
She’s just a big woman dancing
who doesn’t know that she should have got tired a long time ago.”
And then we are both laughing,
our laughter an echo of our father
who would have sat with us
and spoke wisdoms,
his beard spindly and hair wild as the passing yucca plants.
His last luggage tag in the form of a plaque
pressed on a gilded urn:
"Beloved father, brother, and husband, and friend".
In my yellow Ford Fiesta kissed by the tangerine sun
we are a taxi for the dead.
Your eyes closed like curtains drawn in the evening time,
as you drifted off to sleep while reading poetry aloud.
Your voice as soft and as bright as your cheeks,
pink salmon flesh against sun faded terra-cotta.
I was not looking while you drifted,
instead, head-down, as if in prayer,
I sat gluing photographs onto a collage with an ever changing meaning,
smiling to myself as we faced two roads diverged,
Afternoons will not go blank,
if they are filled with what has been earned,
and Summers are courses for learning all about things,
they never teach you in school.
The black streaked lawns, blurry underneath running feet,
backdrop of the setting sun, a butterscotch candy,
dropped in molten lava.
I will carry the ball inside,
and drop it on the floor,
it will make a thud,
and I will run into my room and jump on the bed,
the springs making a squeaking noise,
jumping while the pillows move inch by inch,
until they fall off the sides of the bed,
and I fall onto the covers,
and then sleep.
I had a dream last night where I was in a building, possibly a school, and a great storm happened and the entire building was filling with water, and waves were crashing into the windows and breaking them and everyone was rushing to get out.
I also re-united with a girl I had a crush on a few years ago and we decided to be together, which was strange. But mostly there was some kind of crisis going on and everyone was trying not to die.
I really can’t remember much of the dream other than those details.
I just remembered another part. A guy I used to be friends with that I am no longer friends with came to me and apologized for everything, just a straight apology without any extra catches. I explained to him that I felt like there are valid reasons why I should not be friends with him, and that was that.
That also happened in the dream.